Reverend vs Retail Wrap-up

WOW! Life went by quickly the last few weeks. Sorry to not have summed this up sooner, but the week before Christmas was—like in ministry—a whirlwind of working. Then we got to spend a lot of time with family and being the social, family-loving creature I am, I spend time with them instead of updating the blog—you can understand, I am sure :)

A few last reflections on working at Barnes and Noble versus being in the church for Christmas—or actually, really, in general.

Here’s a winning moment for Barnes and Noble: questions. While occasionally a bookseller must field a question such as: “I read this book once—written in the 70s—about drug-trafficking on the Mexico-Arizona boarder, but I don’t remember the author or the publisher. Can you tell me the name of it?” to which, five google searches and an indexing of bn.com later, you must indeed answer, “No,” most questions a bookseller gets are so wonderfully easy to answer. “Why yes, we have an entire table of the Twilight series.” “No, but I can order that and have it shipped directly to your house if you would like.” “We have several books on John Deer tractors right in this area here.” Would that questions in ministry were so easily answered and a minister could regularly feel truly helpful in say, a discussion of the afterlife or what’s going on with the Trinity. Barnes and Noble is deliciously factful; only those with a deep appreciation for mystery will settle happily into faith.

Here’s another winning moment for Barnes and Noble: no disenchantment. Barnes and Noble’s number one goal is to put the book in the customer’s hand. That’s it. At BN, a bookseller gets paid to be nice to customers and put books in their hands. And even after working there, I have no problems with this goal and in fact, find it an entirely worthy expedition. Working in church left me with lots of questions—is ministry about caring for people in the congregation or out of the congregation? If I’m supposed to be light in the world, why am I spending so much time answering emails about what color poinsettias go up at Christmas? Should I get paid to perpetuate an imperfect not-nearly-focused-enough-on-others organization in the first place?

Also, you’ll notice I’ve not given any stars for the above comparisons. I’m not much of a pros/cons-lists-determine-the-best-choice kind of a person anyhow, so if you want to add up the stars, go for it, but here’s what I think. I think that for the short-term, Barnes and Noble wins. I loved working there. I loved the energy. I even loved grumpy people in line because when you are nice to grumpy people they have a REALLY hard time continuing to be grumpy. In fact, they have to really work at it, which says they like being grumpy in the first place. I enjoyed my co-workers. I loved the energy of the place. I loved that after I worked there I loved Barnes and Noble even more. Long-term, though, of course, church wins. Because I believe in and love Jesus far more than I love Barnes and Noble, and while helping people find and enjoy books is a worthy occupation, I personally feel called to serve in a way that purposefully connects people to God.

That being said, it’s the new year, it’s been over a year since I had deeply meaningful long-term employment, and it’s almost my birthday, so I’m feeling a bit philosophical. And what I reflect on 2009 is this: all of our long-term goals are shot to hell. It took a really long time to sell our absolutely lovely house in North Carolina where housing is already ridiculously inexpensive and the equity we got out of it wouldn’t have covered the security deposit we put on our two-bedroom apartment in town where housing is fairly expensive. I went from having a great set-up at First Pres in a Presbytery where I was known, respected, and appreciated to moving somewhere where I am regularly interpreted as suspiciously conservative or unfaithfully liberal, and I have heard more times than I care to count from heart-felt search committees, “You will be a great minister—somewhere else.” And without going into all the nitty gritty of life, I can assure you, this was not my plan nor is it exceeding my expectations.

That being said, I’ve loved most of each day this past year. Not every day, but most of them. Even though I’m part of a gaggle of unemployed ministers here in Madison, I love living in Madison. There is so much to offer and after having lived in a town without a real downtown or much to do, the lakes, the downtown, concerts on the square, bike trails, parks, euchre clubs, and countless things to do on Friday nights are amazing. I learned to sail this summer—and I could write several entries just on the things I learned from sailing from courage to leadership. I spent four of my six top holidays with family and have my best friend less than an hour away. Day to day, life is so so so good.

And so when trying to assess working at Barnes and Noble vs serving in a Jesus-centered organization, when the short-term wins out but the long-term loses, I have to think of this past year where the long-term definitely loses but the short-term is amazing. I mean, all the philosophers and wise-ones-of-old will speak to living in the moment. So then, how can you hand out stars and hope for any real conclusion. Of course, I didn’t really expect this to be much more than a series of reflections in the first place, which is what you got throughout the blog. And unlike the haven of yes or no answers in bookselling, these reflections are far more like life and faith and the mystery of seeing how it all works out.

So here’s to it all and the next adventure. Happy New Year! I won’t add more to this blog, so if you would like to continue reading my miscellaneous reflections, check in on http://77squaremiles.blogspot.com/ now and then.

Peace, love, great books, and all things good,
Jess